"fair" is a four-letter word

My first trial turned into my first plea. Not too shocking as the prosecutor promised to attempt to impose the suspended sentence my client had from almost 2 years ago.

But seriously, there was no crime committed, and I haven't just drank the kool-aid. If not for my client's record (which is really not that bad), the prosecutor said he would have just dismissed the charges. If not for the record, the officer on the scene probably would not have manufactured this charge in the first place. If only the prohibition on using propensity arguments and unfair prejudice applied outside the courtroom!

It's funny that the only question people tend to ask public defenders is how we defend "criminals" and still sleep at night. Just once I would like to be asked how we deal with innocent people being convicted. That seems to be the more substantial issue.

too many firsts

I really do love being a lawyer. I love helping people. I love challenging myself. I love the human dynamics that blossom in front of me. I do not love, however, the steep learning curve I'm currently climbing (or perhaps falling down). My first client turned into the first client I couldn't get in touch with till the last minute which turned into my first client with suspended jail time and suspended fines just waiting to be imposed which turned into my first client that didn't actually do what he is charged with which has now turned into my very first trial. Tomorrow morning. It makes me want to crawl under my desk and pretend the whole world doesn't exist.

It also doesn't help that I have the best mentor for my first year. I mean, he's great. Been here longer than just about everyone--pushing 2 decades as a PD. Which is great because he knows everything, but it also sucks because he knows everything. This afternoon when I showed him my directs and crosses for tomorrow, he looked at me and said things like "just have fun with it" and "just talk normally." And I'm not even going to tell you about his facial expressions as he read them. First, under no deranged perspective could I have fun tomorrow. If I make it through without going into shock, I'll consider it a success. Second, I was just talking normally!! Am I that displaced from real life? I thought I was still a normal person, but maybe, while I wasn't paying attention, I turned into one of "those" lawyers. Dear God, please let it not be so.

So, really. It's hugely unfair for me to be compared with one of the state's best PDs for my first trial. Seriously. Unfair.

progress

Sooo . . . I passed the bar!! Despite my previous post, I suppose this is what makes me a real lawyer. (Although, I may say this again after I get sworn in.) With this behind me, I have a confession to make. I was shitting bricks because I was so scared I wasn't going to pass. I know; I know. EVERYONE shits bricks. EVERYONE is scared they won't pass. Unlike me, however, most people probably studied con law, corps, agency/partnership, family law, and conflicts of laws. I hate that I put myself through such stress because I didn't study. I am an idiot!! But, at least it's over, and I got my happy ending.

Had my first in-office client interview today--juvenile case involving spray paint. Client completely took responsibility for his actions. Then I spoke with the prosecutor--my first time discussing a deal with a prosecutor--who decided my solution, which included dropping the charges, worked for him. Not a bad way to start things. Totally a dream world, but I'm okay with that.

my first case

That's right. I'm a real lawyer now. I just got my first case this morning with my very first trial date.

Right on.

the good and the less good

So, I love my new job. I know, I know. It's really early--I only started a week and a half ago--but all signs point to my future happiness. I have an unbelievable amount of leeway to practice law the way I want, yet I will get any support I ask for. It's a little overwhelming getting into the swing of things, but I have no complaints yet which is more than I expected. My new office is awesome. I have a nice view of the woods and there is great afternoon sun. I have started picking out which art work I will display to keep the comfortable, laid-back feel. Things are good in this area.

On the less good side of my life, I am effing lonely, and it sucks. I don't really know anyone here, and I'm so exhausted by the time I get home every night that there is no energy for me to explore other parts of my life like being social. My pup is lucky if I have enough energy to take her out to play 2xs in the day. I know it will get better, but the growing pains are, you know, kinda painful. It doesn't help that my law school friends either have too much going on to spend time on the phone or aren't returning my phone calls. Sigh. This too shall pass, but can't it pass soon?

mad woman

I have been recently watching the t.v. show "Mad Men" in the background of taking practice MBE questions. I know that everyone is supposed to love this show, but it was really nothing special until I got to episode 9 this afternoon. The ending with Mrs. Draper in her backyard shooting at pigeons with a cigarette hanging out of her perfectly lipsticked mouth was enough to make me want to finish the season.

Well done, Mrs. Draper. Well done.

things that suck your blood

I love my dog. She is truly amazing. Very smart and loving. I could go on, but I would probably lose everyone before I felt I had done her justice. So, the point. This morning, while waking up to greet a day full of Torts studying, I roll over to give my pup a good scratch behind the ears and find--dear god!--a tick in her ear.

I don't "do" ticks. I mean, other things that like my blood are mostly okay: mosquitoes are mainly just annoying, leeches are creepy but easily avoidable, vampires seem kinda kinky to me (could be fun), but ticks . . . they are another story altogether. Those creepy legs always moving and tucking themselves close to the body. The awful straw mouth that's almost impossible to get completely out, necessitating a trip to the doctor or vet. Their general invicibilty to any harm I try to inflict upon them. The tiny, beady head that can detach from its body. [Shudder] It is not okay. I mean, once I got the tick off, I immersed it in water. For a long time! Yet, when I went back to check for identification purposes, I pulled it out of the water, and it slowly came back to life. It had been under water for more than 5 minutes!!! Where's death when you actually need it?

Then it got worse because I had to check myself. I have no idea what I would have done if I had found a tick on me. I probably would've passed out. Seriously.

That's it. I may be giving up the outdoors for forever now.