dear judges,

I know that you don't like it when I file motions to reconsider. So, I have a suggestion to help you do away with these pesky documents:

STOP VIOLATING MY CLIENT'S CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

I know it's hard to believe, but it truly is that easy. If you would refrain from changing my clients' sentences at review hearings when no new charges or probation violations are filed, I promise to stop filing motions requesting you that you fix your *large and glaring* mistakes.

Because we all know that you are just going to deny my motions, causing me to habe your asses. This is work I don't want to have to make time for. I will, however, because you piss me off. Plus, I love it when another judge makes you do what I want (which, consequently, was the right thing to do anyway!!). And yes, that look I give you after is one of "I told you so."

Which sometimes makes all the extra work worth it.

a public defender's best friend

One of my least favorite things is that I can't bring my coffee into court in the morning. So, in the past, I would prepare a steaming cup of delicious goodness and only get to drink a little of it on my drive to court each morning. I would go inside, leaving my brew in the car. Then, after handling however many cases I had, I would walk back to my car looking for a little jolt, a little friendliness . . . only to find what was once awesome and spirit-lifting to be cold and unappealing. An almost full cup of coffee wasted each morning.

Along comes my new favorite mug--the Thermos Element 5. It can keep coffee (or whatever) hot for up to 8 hours. Who knew that vacuum-sealing could be so important. Now, no matter how bad things have gone in court that day, I can walk back to my car and look forward to the coffee that is just waiting to console me as I drive back to my office.

It is a beautiful thing. A small, somewhat insignificant thing perhaps. But I would venture a guess that it made my life about 5% happier, which is nothing to sneeze at.

side effects of being clean

As many of my colleagues do, I keep hand sanitizer in my car and use it after leaving the jail or prison. I don't have a huge car or much storage in my vehicle, so I only have a small container.

And I don't just have the Purell variety. I like the girly smelling ones from places like Bath & Body Works. I currently have a vanilla-scented one purchased during the Christmas season. It makes me happy.

My fiance, of course, doesn't go into the jails and prisons with me, but every time we ride in my vehicle, he has to use the hand sanitizer. Recently, right before walking into a Costco, he applied some to his hands--the smelly vanilla kind. We then walked into the store and began browsing when he turned to me and whispered,

"Wow. Some people really like to spray themselves down with perfume."

Not having smelled heavy fragrance, I cocked my head and looked at him confused (you know, like you're dog does when you try to explain discovery rules to her). Then it dawned on me, and I smiled as I said,

"Really? Why don't you smell you hands and then say that again?"

Upon smelling his hands, he realized that he was the offender, not the sweet older woman who walked by. That'll teach him to use up all my hand sanitizer. :)

unfortunate misconception

Client: I think I forgot to show up for my court date last year.

Receptionist: Do you remember who your attorney was? I can transfer you to them to help you get that figured out.

Client: I was hoping you could just check to see if my bench warrant had expired yet.

Love it!!